I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
