Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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