My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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