I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
