we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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