Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i think i just lost a toe
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
