When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
