i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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