I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My first STD was from a foam party
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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