Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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