Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
