I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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