Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
