some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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