Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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