I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
