Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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