This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize