my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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