pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
