his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
