do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize