so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
