Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
