I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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