so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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