Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
