I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
