ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
