Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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