My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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