i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
