it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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