Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
