I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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