I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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