yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
