Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
