I wish I only lived at night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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