I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think your dad took our porno
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
