i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
