From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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