the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
