I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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