We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
