she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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