She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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