dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
