I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We left an ass print on the piano.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
