I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Congratulations! We have a period
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