I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
