how can u be prego again
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
