I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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