Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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