He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Holy sore nipples Batman
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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