hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
