No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize