You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
