my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
