This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
