his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
