when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
