u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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