also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
