You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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