oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
