I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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