Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
