On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
