yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two words...techno handjob
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize