my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
