Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
