I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
