no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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