He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
