its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
