Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
