i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
