his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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