just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize