Cold hands, warm shart.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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