dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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