I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
