watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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