when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
