i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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