Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
