So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
