Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
