If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
