True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize