See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
