You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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