I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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